How to Potty Train

There are a few baby stages I loathe.

1). Before they can sleep through the night and wake up ALL. THE. TIME.

2). When you're just introducing solid foods and you have to feed them things and provide variety, but due to age restrictions (dairy, honey), lack-of-molars restrictions (raw veggies), coordination restrictions (soup) or just plain picky eating, you feel like there is NOTHING you can feed your kid. It's annoying.

But I think my least favourite "baby" stage is kind of the last of the baby stages. Potty Training. I hate most things about it. It's a good enough reason for my to not have any more kids, I hate it that much.

1). I hate that you spend a week solid in your house. And not even all of your house. Basically just the bathroom and the rooms that have easily washed surfaces (which is pretty much just the kitchen at my house).

2). I hate that for the next 2 months you can't leave the house without having a panic attack the whole time that your child will have an accident to top all accidents, and that you have to go back to carrying multiple changes of clothes.

3). I especially hate the feeling like it's never going to end.


I don't claim to be an expert, but since I've spent the last 5 days working on potty training little Katie, well, I feel like I know everything there is to know! (and yet somehow, still nothing!)

My Potty Training Toolbox
-Big kid underwear. The real stuff, none of those pull-ups!
-Treats for the child (we like mini marshmallows)
-Treats for mom (this is the only part I like of the whole process. I prefer chocolate. Right now I'm polishing off the rest of the mini cadbury cream eggs)
-Salty snacks (cheese flavoured crackers are the favourite, but anything that makes them want to drink works)
-A variety of juices and other sweeter beverages
-A "wetsy betsy" style doll (a sibling or friend who is proficient on the potty works too...)
-Stuff for cleaning up the accidents (there WILL be accidents as they have to learn what happens when they don't run!)
 

My Plan
We go hardcore cold turkey around here. No pull-ups at night or reverting back to diapers. Yes I end up doing a lot of laundry. But it seems less confusing to the child. And then I don't feel like I'm having to train twice. I DO use pull ups if we're going somewhere that I think an accident would be traumatic to the child (in a new environment) or that would be a disaster (say at a wedding or in a fabric store!). I buy THE smallest package and I use no more than that (well, that's how it worked with Mady...). We don't call them pull ups or mention their diaper-like abilities. We called them princess panties and they were special for when we went out. That's it.

First thing I do on day one: I greet them with a big smile, take them to the potty while announcing that they're a big kid. We play it up as the biggest deal ever. I get them to sit on the potty while we trade their diaper for the underwear. If you can't get them to sit, bribe with a marshmallow. Often kids go at this point because it's first thing in the morning. Success breeds success, so if you can start early in the day it's great. I don't make them sit for long, just as I explain the process.

Then I give them a good nutritious breakfast. They'll be consuming a lot of sugar and probably won't feel hungry for lunch, so it's the least I can do.

Then basically you tell them over and over "tell me you if you need to go potty!" "Are you still dry? Yea!!!" (my years of children's ministry training comes in handy at this point for that over the top excitement!) Every 10-15 minutes have them go to sit and just hang out. Sing songs, read books. We rolled a ball for a while, whatever gets them to stay sitting. The more time they spend on the potty the more likely they are to have success.

If they have an accident, try to scoop them up before they finish and run so they can finish on the potty. Then take them back and practice running when they have to go. Do this a bunch of times (5-10!).

We also used our "wetsy betsy" style doll (it's actually a baby alive) to show her the baby going on the potty (baby got a treat too!) and then having an accident and practice running to the potty a bunch of times (I'm not kidding 5-10 times - you lead the first few times and then have them show you what to do for the rest until you know they've got it).

When they succeed you praise to the point of extreme. Give them a bunch of treats (we do 5 mini marshmallows at first). Give them more snacks and more liquid to drink. Basically this all takes 15 minutes and it's time to sit again.

I start the day giving water (once the juice comes out they never want water again), then I do a fruit juice or two and then I'll move to more sugar (iced tea, lemonade) options if I can't get them to drink otherwise.

Naptimes/bedtimes
About 2 hours before they go to sleep, I quit giving them any liquid (if they're parched, then they get a teeny bit, but I avoid it if possible). If they have an accident I clean them up and put them back to bed. Make sure they go before bed. Then for night-time, about 1-2 hours after you put them to bed, rouse them just enough to go potty. Do this until they get up on their own at this time, even if they're trained the rest of the time. Basically you're teaching them to wake up and go at that time every night.

The Biggest Battles
1). There is a point in the day when they get tired of the whole thing. You probably are too. They miss playing, they've spent so much of the day in the bathroom. Maybe they were fine until nap time, but then they woke up and you're still at it and they're just done. Pull out a new activity that's fun (blow bubbles in the kitchen!) or move the entire operation outside. Something to distract them and make them feel like they're still playing.

2). Pooping. I have no wisdom on this front. It was a huge battle with Mady. It will probably also be with Katie. It just seems harder (probably because there is less chance to practice). It was almost the death of me. Just know that parents everywhere feel your pain. And if you've found the solution, teach the rest of us in the comments, please!

3). Day 2. It's pretty much the worst. Either you have a great first day and then on day 2 nothing works. Or you had a bad day 1 and day 2 is just a fight the whole time. Day 2 will make you want to give up. You'll convince yourself that diapers were easier (they were - but expensive), that your child isn't ready (probably not true and really if you stop now you just confuse them making them less ready the next time). You may cry. You may scream. You may try to hide from your kid. Don't worry day 3 is typically better. Just push through one hour (or minute!) at a time.

Sadly, I'm on day 5. Katie understand exactly what she's supposed to do. She just doesn't do it. Sigh.

Oh ya, and treat yourself to a night off from cooking and order a pizza.

Any other potty training tips? I need something to make me feel like I can tackle day 6...

Sippy Cup Leash Instructions

As promised in yesterday's post, here is the tutorial for the sippy cup leashes I've made for my girls as well as numerous gifts. They have saved my sanity on more than several occasions and they are seriously SO easy to make. Like 10 minutes easy. Even if you've never sewn something in your life, you could make these.

Here's what you need:

27 inches of 7/8'' grosgrain ribbon
7/8" elastic to fit around a cup plus about an inch to sew to the ribbon (I used 9 inches total)
Thread

Fold under one end of the ribbon about 1/4 inch (just to seal the edge), sew it with a tight zig-zag (remember to back stitch!). Then fold THAT part over itself again about 1- 1/2 to 2 inches (to create a loop). I sewed on the same line of stitches that I had just sewed. You can see the loop in the picture below.

Then fold the elastic in half and sew about 1 inch up from the end (right where you want it to pinch together around the cup). Then sew the extra inch or so of elastic to the ribbon in a few spots, I did 3 spots on the green one, and 4 on the pink one (I always go back and forth over the stitching just to make it's really secure since this will get all the pressure). And you're done!

Loop the leash around the handle of a stroller or the base clip of the car seat (I put mine on the bottom clip of the 5 point harness so it's between their legs) and put the elastic end through the looped end and tighten to secure. Then put the elastic around the cup. I've found this size fits most cups pretty universally, even some that don't have a smaller section in the middle.

Now when your kid chucks their cup you can always get it (and eventually THEY can get it themselves). It has saved me HOURS of crying in the car (from the girls, not from me. Hehe!) Sometimes I even get smart and string their snack cup holder onto the leash before I put it on their cup as an all in one snack leash.

Hope this helps a momma to regain some sanity. :)





linking up here:

Mom Friends

I remember prior to having kids hearing moms state that being a mom is one of the most lonely occupations. I kind of scoffed at that and always said that "when I had kids..." (isn't that a phrase that comes back to bite you!) I would make sure that I still went out with my friends. I figured if these women just got OUT it would solve all their problems.

Oh how naive I was! I didn't realize the complexity of Mom friends and why it's so hard to find good ones.

Remember when all it took to bond you as friends was having the same toothbrush?

I discovered soon after having Madelyn that all your friendships change when you have kids. It was bad enough when we got married and it become difficult and sometimes awkward (though not totally impossible) to maneuver get-togethers with our single friends. Adding kids is a whole new dimension.

See, if you have friends who are still single, many of them feel so far removed from your world as a married parent. If you're a stay at home mom (and in Canada with our 1 year mat-leave most moms are for at least the first year) then you have even less in common with their single, spur of the moment, travel the world, stay up late kind of life-style. Most of my single friends, if they didn't at least get married within a few months of me having kids, kind of disappeared from my life (save for a few, God bless you!).

Then you have your married with no kids couples. They either want kids or don't. If they don't want kids, they often don't want to hang out with yours. You notice that the invites to come to their house or hang out pretty much stop the moment you push out your kid. If the couple does want kids but has yet to have any, then you deal with the complexities of trying to mesh their still pretty spur of the moment life with your book-the-baby-sitter-two-weeks-in-advance or plan-to-be-home-by-7:30-so-the-kids-can-get-to-bed life. They stay up until 11:00 pm every night whereas you go to bed at 9:00pm on a late night. There's also that whole, you're a stay-at-home mom and they work all day thing, so they're kind of hard to get together with except in the evenings and on the weekends when your schedule is already packed.

But surely those friends that you were best friends with in college, who got married the same summer as you, and who had kids at the same time will be a perfect fit for being mom friends, right? Well, maybe. If you're lucky.

I noticed a new layer of complexity for friendships when I had kids. There are a few more boxes to tick off when choosing friends. Besides finding someone you're comfortable with, have similar interests and sense of humor and whose life-style rhythm runs similar to your own and whom you actually like, you also have to find the same for your kids (and your spouse if you're trying to find someone with whom the whole family can hang out with!).

My girls will still play with little boys no problem, but in a few years when boys have cooties, they're not going to be so interested in those play dates. Which means I will see those moms less. Why do so many of my good mom friends have boys??

You also have to consider the parenting values of certain families. I have gotten together with some friends (even ones that I was so tight with in the past) and was squeamish the whole time because of the things they let their kids do or say. We're pretty strict with what is acceptable for our girls. We have high expectations for their behaviour and I don't like when someone's (dare I say) bratty kid teaches my girls a word, an attitude or behaviour I'd rather they not pick up (I realize they're going to be exposed to these things, but if I don't want them emulating these attributes, I'm going to have to limit their exposure). It's also no fun to play with a kid whose parents spend the whole time correcting their behaviour out in public because they haven't learned the rules at home (that's a whole rant for another day). Who wants to play with a kid who spends the whole time in time-out? I've found the friendships with these families quickly disintegrate.

So what are you left with? You have to find a family with kids in similar ages, stages and genders as your own, who have a similar parenting style and values, with whom you have at least SOMETHING in common with, and whose life schedule is similar to your own so you can actually find time to get together. Oh, and it helps if they live in the same city. Preferably on the same side of the city.

I'm also not clueless to the fact that these other moms have to like me back. I'm quirky and opinionated. Not everyone can handle a regular dose of that.

Sadly for me, the moms that fit these categories for me live in other provinces, cities or a 30-40 minute drive away. Not a single one lives down the street (I don't live in a "young" neighborhood so that doesn't help.) Sigh. That's why I have very few mom friends. And now I totally get what those moms were talking about when they said being a mom is one of the loneliest professions.

I don't mean to leave this as a downer of a post. But I have a feeling a few can relate. Did you have this struggle? Any good solutions?
(Remember, I was home schooled. I'm totally awkward in social situations. *wink*)

ps- I think I just admitted to the entire internet world that I have no friends. I'm so lame.

Muffin Tin Lunch (AKA Fun Lunch)

Early on in our marriage (who are we kidding, it's purely related to the pre-children phase of my life), I would get up on Saturday morning and make "fun breakfast." Which often included bacon or sausages, pancakes, waffles and all those other things you don't have time to make during the week.

Now, I blamed stopping on the fact that Mark started working a Saturday morning shift for the TV station, but he's home by 10:30am so, really, we could have morphed it into fun brunch. With 2 kids, I'm just too lazy. Mark misses those days.

Mady is much easier to please in the fun food category. Last year I stumbled across a blog called Muffin Tin Mom. Basically what she does is create her kid's lunches inside a muffin tin. One food per compartment. She expands this to allow muffin liners (paper or silicone). It's basically like a Bento lunch without the box. She has a linky party every week for others who make this style of lunch and some peoples' creations are pretty amazing! Sometimes they'll do a theme (or people will create their own theme to go along with life or what their kid is "into.").

I've always wanted to do something like this for Mady, but who are we kidding? I'm lazy. I was not going to cut cheese into little shapes every day or fashion a sandwich to look like a giraffe.

I found my solution thanks to Wilton. They sell silicone muffin liners that have feet on them (See where I'm going with this? Feet are fun!). I have both the clown and animal feet ones in my stash. So one day I decided to make Mady's lunch inside these cups like a muffin tin meal.

She thinks this is the greatest thing ever! She calls it fun lunch. And we do it now about once a week. She would be WAY less interested in any of this food had I just thrown it on a plate.

The picture is of my first fun lunch (uh, basically, they've all looked the same ever since, just with different fruit). Oooh and ahh over my attempt and then go and look at some of the ones on Michelle's site. You'll be totally unimpressed with mine after, but it's worth a look.

And if you have a picky eater (I prefer the term, unrefined palette), this is a fun way to get them to try things. It's good portions for a preschooler too!

Mady's Birth Story Part 2

First family picture (a little blurry, but whatever)

Here is the second part of Madelyn's arrival details. As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I thought posting her story leading up to her actual birthday would be a good way to get her story onto my blog. So here is the second half as written by me 3 years ago.

Madelyn Sarah

Sunday, 15 June 2008 at 07:10

Well to sum her up. she's beautiful and perfect all in one. But I'm slightly biased!
I'll save you the "gory" details and give the coles notes. Pictures to come soon, but I'm on the laptop and the pictures are on the other computer downstairs. Once Mark is awake, we'll post them.

On thursday night we were JUST about to eat supper (of course) when I noticed I was bleeding (not good), we went to the hospital and they checked me out. They couldn't figure out where I was bleeding from and were concerned that it was the placenta pulling away and that I might need an emergency c-section (which meant I couldn't eat - REALLY NOT COOL!), they admitted and induced me. I slept all night (well as much as you can sleep with a nurse checking your vitals every half hour) and in the morning I really wasn't feeling more than tightenings. Well who knew they had so many tricks to bring on labour? Though I don't really recommend most of them...

After 6 hours of being on the highest does of pitocin they can give, and one of their other tricks, 10am the contractions started, and continued... At 2:30 I was 4cm, they broke my water (yes it broke 2 weeks ago, but not fully) and then the contractions REALLY started, and continued...

Around 6 (I think) they were getting so intense that I asked for laughing gas to take off the edge, but when they have triple peaks (thank you pitocin- my new biggest enemy) I couldn't take it anymore. They checked me again, we were sure that I must be getting close (my mom said I was getting snarky so that must mean I was close to transition - or simply because I had a nurse that names can't describe because I'm trying to keep this pretty G-rated...), and alas, I was still 4cm. I was not impressed and knew there was no way with contractions that intense I could go so many more hours. I wasn't at all relaxed (which is what helps you dialate) and was literally dancing from the pain, while simultaneously squeezing and hitting Mark (he tells me it didn't hurt - good thing). So I asked for the epidural. Michael, the anesthesiologist and my new best friend, came and gave it to me (and while sitting on the bed and having a contraction I got to kick the nurse - to take away the pain of course - so that felt good). I managed to sleep for the next hour or so, just in time to get my nice nurse, Julie, back. Yea! They checked me again and I was 6cm. But then the baby's heartrate started dropping so they had to put in the internal fetal monitor (it goes on the baby's head). While doing that they realized I was at 7cm during contractions. 10 minutes later I was ready to push. Too numb to feel anything, but hey, at that point, I was so tired I think that was my saving grace.

4 pushes later, and after taking the cord from around her neck (hence the dropping heart rates) Madelyn came into the world at 8:19pm.
She weighed 4 pounds and half an ounce, and was 17 inches long. She looks a lot like Mark (baby picture to baby picture they look almost identical in my opinion, but we already know she's stubborn like me!) and has dark hair - yes you heard me, hair(!) and it might even be curly, it looks kind of wavey right now. Thank you Heebner genes!

Madelyn is in the NICU right now (sorry, no viistors). They told us she's really good at breathing and because she was less than 2 days short of 34 weeks, she probably won't have a problem with apnea.
She is keeping her body heat well, so after less than a day of living she was moved out from under the warmers and into a real bed, which is good. She does have a little bit of jaundice, which could get worse. So far she hasn't needed the lights, but they'll reasses her today about that.

When I first met her in the NICU. She was not impressed. But look, she had hair and it was curly!

She's super sleepy (I don't blame her, we went through a lot), but that means she's not interested in eating. They were trying to feed her with a dropper, but she wasn't really awake enough to, so last night they were going to put a tube in her nose to feed her. But that's okay because it will mean she's actually getting mommy's milk and hopefully that will help her progress faster. They want to wean her off the IV (I'm all for less things attached to her!). And then the biggest battle will be figuring out how to coordinate sucking, swallowing and breathing! Once she can do that, she can come home. They said at her age, they usually make it home between what would have been 37 and 40 weeks gestation (that's how they count her age right now, so she's 34 weeks today).

Once she's home, she's looking forward to meeting all of you who have been so wonderful to pray fo her. Thank you, thank you, thank you! What a blessing it is to have such wonderful friends!

And for those of you wondering...Mark's super in love. :) He's going to be such a great Daddy! And today he gets to celebrate Father's day holding his baby. :)

I've never shared this picture, because it kind of freaked me out at first. This was when they were resuscitating her right after birth. Her little lungs had to work hard!

Some side notes: I think it's funny how much I didn't go into details in this post. "One of their other tricks" for bringing on labour that I mentioned involved blowing up a catheter into a bubble in my cervix. I'm not joking. Now do you see why I have some issues with doctors and hospitals and such? Ya.


Mady stayed in the NICU for 13 days. The day after this note was written we transferred hospitals (this sucked because it was to the one farthest from our house) to a lower level Primary Care unit (the original one we were at was the highest level and housed the sickest babies. As your baby gets better/stronger/closer to going home they move you to the lower level NICU's to make room for the sicker babies). We took this as a good sign that she would be home soon-well it was 9 days later, but who was counting?).

Jaundice glasses outline. Here you can see how yellow she actually was. And notice the terrible NICU haircut which we are STILL, 3 years later, trying to even out.

Another picture I've never shared. We took it to record WHY she had such a bad hair cut. Her little antenna  IV. I was very happy when they put a pick line in her arm instead.

She did have jaundice, which was part of the reason for the longer stay. And though stubborn, she tired out trying to learn to eat on the bottle and failed that test a few times and we had to start over. 

So, you know how I was worried about not having pregnant pictures with her? No one told me you can take them for a few days after and still look authentic!


My mom and Mady. This picture shows just how teeny tiny she was!

It was a very happy day when we got to bring her home. Funny story: I always heard of people having their 4 month old grow out of the infant car seat (and you can't turn them around until they're a year which means you have to get another car seat for in between, blah, blah, blah). So I went and found the car seat that went to the highest weight possible (at the time), 30 lbs. When Mady came home she wasn't back to birth weight and was just under 4 pounds (technically too small for the seat which started at 5 pounds, we just didn't go anywhere for a few days) which meant she looked even more miniature in the seat!

At home in her bed. Right where she should be.

Mady, as much as getting you here was an adventure, I'm so glad you're here and part of our family. I can't imagine life without you!

Mady's Birth Story Part 1

I started this blog just a few weeks before Kaitlyn was born, so I have documented her birth story on here. Mady's birth story was written in notes on Facebook and I've always wanted them to be included on the blog. I figured leading up to Mady's actual birthday would be a good time to post the story. So here it is, in two parts, as written by me 3 years ago. I wrote this note after I posted a facebook status that said I was home from the hospital, on bed rest and done work 6 weeks earlier than planned. We didn't know the gender of our baby, hence all the "its" and "they"s. Some people were confused by the "they"s and thought I was talking about multiples. Not the case. One baby, but didn't know the s/he so I wrote they.

This is the only picture of me pregnant with Mady that I have (and it's from Mark's phone and blurry!) where you can see my belly. It was taken the morning before we went for our fated ultrasound that had me admitted to the hospital. We took it just in case the baby was born that day and I had no pictures at all. Whoops!

The explaination of the hospital stay

Tuesday, 03 June 2008 at 18:47

So, a bunch of people have been asking "what happened??" regarding why I was in hospital and am on bed rest, so instead of explaining it hundreds of times, I figured I would write a note and you can read it yourself. I'll keep you updated here if you care.

So on Wednesday while at work I noticed something was odd so I called Mark and we went to the hospital. They checked me out and determined that I may have a risk of going into labour prematurely. In order to determine this, they would have to check to see if I was starting to dialate and all that, so an ultrasound was ordered for Thursday morning with a follow up doctors appointment.

Thursday morning we went for the ultrasound, everything was fine, except that the fluid levels around the baby were low and so they determined that my water was probably leaking and thus I should skip my doctors appointment and go straight to the hospital for them to determine if this was the case.

We went to the hospital, they checked, and sure enough they found a very small indication that it was my water that broke. So that was enough for them to admit me and put me on bedrest. Because I was only 31 weeks and 4 days, they want to watch me quite closely.

Obviously a baby born now would be premature and they don't like that (neither do I). They said the baby will have no problems surviving should it be born now, it would just have to learn how to breathe without apnea (which usually doesn't happen until around 34 weeks) and it would have to learn to suck (again, that isn't learned until closer to 34 weeks). When the baby is born it will have to stay in hospital until it can do those things. Depending on how fast of a learning curve the kid has and when it's born it could be between 2 and 8 weeks (usually within 2 weeks of the original due date is when they go home) Their greatest concern is infection. So, they said I have to be on bedrest until 34 weeks at which point there is more chance of harm from infection than from induction so they would induce me (boo!!).

So every day at the hospital they were monitoring the baby and they booked a follow up ultrasound for Monday. Yesterday (Monday) I went for the ultrasound. They do what they call a Biophysical profile of the baby. Basically they look for 4 things: Big body movements, little movements like hands moving, fluid levels (needs a 2x2 cm pocket) and "practice breathing." You get 2 points for each of the 4 things that they see. A perfect score is 8, a concerning score is 4 or less. Well, they did the ultrasound and we got both sets of our movement points right away, but she couldn't find a big enough pocket of fluid, nor was the baby practice breathing (though she said, it's quite possible that she wasn't looking at the lungs when it happened, so I shouldn't be concerned, I just didn't get the score). She went off to show the radiologist and then came back with a radiology student who had never done ultrasounds (it was his first day!). She asked if he could have a look to learn on me. I said sure and, yea, he found a 2x5cm pocket of fluid so our score got to raise to 6!. I'm okay with getting B's!

So then the doctor came to see me. He said that since I was healthy and the baby seemed fine he saw no reason why I needed to sit at the hospital on bed rest, I could go home. Yeah! They want to monitor the baby every day, so they would send home care to come do that and then I'm to see him next week in his office (unless the baby comes before). He said the only risk is infection but it's so rare to see infection without labour (in which case I'd be back anyway), that he said I should go be comfortable at home.

So I came home last night. Home care called this morning and let me know that they have a stupid policy with premature water breaking patients that in order for them to come I have to score 8 on the biophysical profile. Which means every day we have to go back to the hospital so they can put the baby on a monitor for 20 minutes. How annoying. Then they're going to schedule a follow up ultrasound until I score an 8 (and then they can come to my home) or until the baby comes. Arggh. The frustrating part of that is because of lower fluid levels, I'm worried I might go in and only score a 4 or something and then be readmitted.

So, things to pray for:
-That my fluid levels stay up
-that the baby "practice breathes" so I can score an 8
-That I go into labour on my own and don't get pushed into being induced
-That if I make it to 34 weeks my doctor won't get so antsy that he induces me, but will let the baby wait as long as possible
-That I won't be bored. :)
-That once the baby is born it learns how to suck, breath and swallow really fast so that it can come home fast!

And that's all for now. Call me if you want to come visit (or even talk on the phone!), I like companty. :)

04 June 2008 at 13:38

well, a quick update. The home care people called me today and I'm not sure why, but they decided that they can come see me, even without me scoring an 8, which means that I don't have to go to the hospital every day (which is good because it took nearly an hour and a half last night for a 20 minute test!). I'll still have an ultrasound every week, but I'm staying home for now. Yeah!

Really bored, looking like crap and surrounded (within arms reach) with everything I could possibly need during the day while Mark was gone to work. And using the archaic laptop as we were weeks away from getting our mac (I think) and the other computer was downstairs where I wasn't allowed to go. (We've since combined our remotes so we no longer need 3 for watching TV. :) )

My kid is smart!

Friday, 06 June 2008 at 12:46

...well, at least smart enough to figure out how to practice breathing. :) Yeah!! That was really good news for us today at the ultrasound. And so we got to score an 8 on the biophysical profile. Which means my doctors are happy, which means mommy is happy. Who knew you could be so proud of your kid before they're even born? I was trying to not be one of those phycho parents putting academic demands on my child, but I will admit that we had a little "talking to" with them on our way to the ultrasound about scoring well on this test. They pulled through. :) Mommy is proud!

The doctor said that since I made it a week without going into labour, it's quite likely that I'll make it another week or 2 (which for sure would take me to 34 weeks). Then she said the decision will be about whether to deliver at 34 or 36 weeks. I was shocked, as no one has mentioned 36 weeks to me before. She said that after 34 weeks they'll go day by day, but there is no way they will let me go past 36 as there is no benefit to the baby compared to the risk. If I make it to 36 weeks then most likely the baby will come home within 4 days. If it's born at 34 weeks, it will probably be in hospital around 2- 4 weeks so since that's a big difference of time, I'm hoping we can make it closer to 36 weeks. But that does mean I will for sure have a June baby. And it gives me an actual countdown to the longest possible time this bedrest can last.

Of course, we're still praying for health for the baby and for them to stay in as long as possible, for no infection and for labour to start on it's own.

Thanks for your prayers!

BreastFeeding is natural, right?

Well yes and no.

I'll explain below. It's time for a rant!

If you're pregnant, nursing, not nursing but wish to, support breastfeeding, or know anyone in these categories. Read on! Sorry if it gets long. Sometimes concise isn't in my vocabulary.

So I think one of the biggest myths is that breastfeeding is natural. Don't get me wrong. It is. It's the most natural way to feed babies. It's how God planned it to be. But when pregnant women hear that, they interpret it to mean that you insert your boob into the child's mouth and voila! Instant feeding. When in reality, it goes more like this:

1. Sit in your chair. No, not that one, the one with the perfect angle and arm rests. The one that the foot stool fits your feet perfectly. Or dictionary. Whatever is your foot-booster of choice.
2. Grab your nursing pillow(s) and the one for behind you back. And the other six you need in their precise locations.
3. Remove all clothing from the waist up.
4. Have someone strip the baby to the diaper and hand them to you.
5. Wonder if there will ever be a day that you will be able to nurse without your chair and pillows just so and while leaving your clothes on.
6. Hold baby in left hand and breast in right hand. Guide baby to the breast. Wait for the wide open mouth.
7. Second guess if that really was the widest your baby can open, only to realize you missed your perfect moment.
8. Realign. This time you get the baby on, but its not on your full breast, just the nipple. Almost pass out from the pain. Try to pull the baby off, not realizing a child so small can have such an amazing suction. Oh the insanity! Scream for the pain!
9. Insert pinky in a panic in the corner of baby's mouth to release the suction.
10. Examine your hamburger nipples which are now bleeding.
11. Cry.
12. Repeat steps 5-11 three more times.
13. Break down sobbing, wondering if you're the only "broken" woman in the world and how that lady at walmart made it look so easy while she nursed and shopped AT THE SAME TIME!.
14, Scream in frustration. Look at the clock and realize you've been at this for an hour. Scream again.
15 Console your baby who is now beside themselves for the hunger they feel and the screaming from their mother
16. Give up and give them a bottle, feeling like the biggest failure of a mother ever.
17. Pump to relieve the engorgement or to help bring in milk.
18. Cry and apply lansinoh to your nipples.
19. Collapse in exhaustion and sleep for 1.5 hours.
20. Repeat.

See? Not very natural. I lived this scene every 3 hours for 7 weeks. As Mady was born premature and without the ability to suck yet. She had to be fed through a tube, then a bottle and then finally learn to feed at the breast. Luckily I had lots of milk, so I was pumping and giving her the bottle of that, but some don't have this blessing.

(Mady in the NICU feeding through a g-tube)


(Mady feeding at home with a bottle)


When I talk to a pregnant lady and ask if she's planning on nursing, I know how successful she will be based on her response. A Mom who says "Absolutely yes!" with determination will most likely get it to work. Those who say "Well, I guess I'll give it a try" Probably won't. Breastfeeding takes stamina and determination. But it can be done. And it should be done. There is NOTHING on this earth that is as good for babies as breast milk. Nothing. Don't kid yourself.

So what's a new mom to do?

1. Well first learn about breast-feeding from good sources (Can we all just take a minute now to burn our copies of What To Expect When You're Expecting? It's a crap book written to instil fear instead of empower and they don't give you good breast-feeding advice). I read only crap breast-feeding books so if someone has good ones to recommend please do so in the comments.
Talk to moms who nurse. Get them to SHOW you how its done. Go to Le Leche league meetings (you can do this when you're still pregnant). Oh and I've said this before, I'll say it again: Do NOT under any circumstances take breastfeeding advice from someone who has never done it. That's like learning to drive a stick shift from someone who has just read about it or watched other people drive a car. No matter how nice your labour and delivery nurse is, if she didn't successfully nurse a child (meaning months or years, not days) kindly ask her to send in someone with experience. And male doc/nurses? Just walk away. Sorry guys, you don't even own the equipment!
2. Rally a support team. As much as it's great that your husband is fully behind you using your body to feed your kid (of course he is, its free and gives you big boobs). You need someone who has done it that you can call at 3am when it's not working and cry. Someone who will talk you out of giving up and give you advice and tips and encouragement. Really. You do. You will be hormonal and irrational and frustrated.
3. Seek help. Don't give up. I get so frustrated hearing of mom's who tried to go it alone and it didn't work. There is help available. Go to breastfeeding clinics, see a lactation consultant (or 5 like me). And get help! (A note to the Canadian government: It's ridiculous that some provinces have to PAY to see a lactation consultant. Breastfeeding leads to less health problems in the future so its actuaaly going to cost LESS to cover the LC than to pay for all the treatments these people will need later in life).

So what if after all that it doesn't work? You tried, but "failed." Are you stuck using formula? No!

Enter Eats On Feets. This is a new group. It's on Facebook and it connects families who need milk, with mothers willing to donate it. I joined this week and have already matched up with a mom of twins.
Edit: Eats on Feets has changed their name to Human Milk 4 Human Babies. You can search for a local chapter on Facebook.

I joined for 2 reasons:
1. I had to throw away a lot of breast milk after Mady was weaned that expired before we could use it. I cried, knowing there are a lot of babies who could have used it. Sadly Canada only has 1 milk bank. It's in Vancouver and there was no way to get them the milk. The downside of milk banks is that the milk goes first to the sick babies (a good thing!), but it also means that healthy babies who's mother's don't produce enough can't get the milk (or if they find one they can purchase milk from, it's $3-5 an ounce! At 25oz a day, that's a little hefty!). So I joined because there are plenty of babies who need milk. Babies who would have to live off of artificial human milk otherwise (why are we not concerned as a society to make it so normal to feed our kids something called "formula?" Wouldn't we totally push back if the answer to "what's for dinner"? was "calibrated fake food"? Formula should be reserved for the VERY few who can't have breast milk. And there are VERY few... It should not be the norm for so many babies. But that's a rant for another day). The way I see it, I have milk to give, so why not give it??
2. I joined to send a message. To our government that human babies need human milk. And if they aren't going to make it available to those that need it, and ALL those that need it at that, then we will do it our own way.

(Kate's thighs. A true testament of Breastfeeding!)




I know there are those of you concerned about the "risks." The truth is, they are very small. Most mothers nursing babies are not sick with disease and if the donee is worried, they can ask the donor to be screened. Donors of breast milk are concerned about babies, they want them to have the best. But if the government it truly concerned, instead of putting their effort into warning ads and articles, they should be putting their resources into places to pasteurize the milk and then give it back to families (for free!). Just like a blood donation in Canada is given from the source and to the source freely (I'm sure there are costs, but they are covered by our health care), so should breast milk! Only a percentage of people need blood every year, but we are bombarded with begging to get us to donate. EVERY baby needs breast milk. The same campaigns and support should be applied. Women need to not just hear that "breast is best", but that it's natural. Breastfeeding comes with the package if you want the baby bump. And if you can't produce enough for your child, there is enough milk to go around. Because there is!

So if you're a Mama with milk to give (fresh or a stash in your freezer that needs to be used up) or you're a family in need of milk, head on over to the Eats on Feets page. And if you don't fall into these categories, but want to help spread the word, please do so. Post on your Facebook, tell your friends. Help remove the stigma that sharing life's more precious resource is a bad thing!

Oh and ps- if you chose not to breastfeed your baby because you just didn't want to, please just own that you didn't want to and don't use the excuse "I tried, it didn't work." Some of us put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into learning the art (and it is an art!). And you insult us when you say that. We will have more respect for you if you just admit that you didn't want to. (this is not directed at those who truly can't! My heart breaks for you!).

(Kate's crazy double chin!)


Let's feed those babies!

Murphy and Motherhood

I've only been a mom for just over 2 years, but I've already discovered how Murphy and his laws like to mess with Moms. Here are a few I've personally encountered, with a few from my mom-friends. I'm sure you have experienced some of your own. Let's hear them in the comments!



(I know Mady's dress and jacket severely clash in this photo - so much so, it hurts my eyes - but she insisted. It wasn't worth the fight. I love her facial expression. This girl and her playgrounds...)



How Murphy Messes With Moms
1.Though your preschooler has been sleeping through the night for 1.5 years, the night your baby sleeps more than 4 hours in a row will be the night your preschooler wakes EVERY HOUR!

2.The one time you go out without the diaper bag (either because you forgot it, or because “you'll be real quick, surely you won't need it”) is the one time that your child not only fills the diaper, but over-fills the diaper. Up to her ears.

3.The only other time she will fill her diaper up to her ears is when you're ready to go out the door. This will always happen when she is already strapped into the car seat.

4.It doesn't matter if you waited those extra 5 minutes to be sure you get it all. The moment you change the baby is the moment they will poop. Again. Always.

5.Your kids will be fantastic angels all day, not making a peep. Until the phone rings.

6.Your kids may be wonderful at going down for naps, but the day you have a lot to get done and really need them to sleep is when they will fight it. Maybe Probably taking a nap strike altogether.

7.Your child will wake you up at 6:00am every morning. Except for the morning you forgot to set an alarm and have to be out of the house by 7:30am. You'll discover this at 7:35am.

8.The night before family/school pictures is the night your child will fall. They will scrape their face. Never their knees.
9.Kids always fall asleep 5 minutes before you get there. Unless you want them to.

10.Your child will eat anything put in front of them. Unless other people (usually ones you need to impress) are around. Then they will fight everything. Even all their favourite foods.

11.Your child will be helpful and answer the door for you, only on the day you're not yet dressed and the package needs to be signed for.

12.The line in the grocery store and how fast it moves are always directly proportional to how close it is to nap-time.

The Best Parenting Advice I ever Got

(My sister-in-law took this picture. She gets the best photos of my kids!)

It seems that once you announce to the world that you're expecting everyone and their pet dog has advice for you. Within the first three months of being pregnant I perfected the “smile and nod” technique. And most people didn't know I was pregnant prior to 11 weeks, so you do the math...

But as much as I met people who told me they knew lots about kids because their sister, who lives 4 hours away, has a couple of kids that they see sometimes (true story!), I also have some really smart parents in my life. Both my own biological and in-law parents as well as tons of friends who are a little farther down the parenting road than me.

The really smart ones I take the time to ask for their advice or watch what works with their kids. I've learned to make friends with people who raised kids that turned out how I want mine to turn out. Hopefully I'll glean some tricks from them.

And I have learned some wonderful little tricks along the way for dealing with my headstrong, stubborn (and equally sweet!) two-year old. I've also learned some tried and true advice. So here are the top pieces of parenting advice I've received. If you're a new/expectant parent, I hope they are gems for you as much as they were for me. If you are a parent and you have an equally valuable nugget of gold that has gotten you through so much, I'd love to hear it. This doesn't need to be a complete list!


1.Don't take breastfeeding advice from someone who has never breastfed.

-I know this isn't really parenting advice, but it's advice I got as a new parent. And let me tell you, it is SO true (I was really tempted to put on about a zillion extra O's on that “so.” Imagine saying it that way, okay?). Inevitably you will meet some really nice nurse who will try to help you. And she'll even sound like she knows what she's talking about. But really, if a person is going to claim professional status in anything else, we expect them to have at least done it once. The same should be true about breastfeeding. So ask how many kids she nursed and for how long (if it was only 2 days, ask for someone else!).

(A little note to those who work in this area. If you have never breastfed, please do all mothers a favour and keep your mouth shut. I know that sounds harsh, but really, you don't know any more than the mom (trust me, if she's planning on breastfeeding, she has read all the books). It's then the blind leading the blind. Except she doesn't know you're blind. It doesn't matter if your sister, best friend or wife nursed, if you didn't, you have no business trying to help someone else do it. I have SO (again, add those extra O's) many friends who have been led astray by a well-meaning, misinformed nurse. Its not fair to her or her baby. Go get your coworker who actually nursed a child. You'll do the moms under your care a huge favour.)

2.Parent from your feet not from your seat.

-Sigh. This one is hard, especially when you're tired (and even harder now that I have two kids and the older one has figured out the times – like when I'm nursing the baby – that I can't really parent from my feet), but MAN it works. My kid responds so much better when I get UP to parent her instead of yelling (or even talking nicely) from the couch. So even when I don't want to, I try to remind myself that there will be a shorter battle if I'm standing and intervening rather than yelling/coaxing/begging plunked in my favourite chair.

3.Every time you ask your child twice (or more!) you undermine your own authority

-Ugg. Again, so true. Hard to live by, but once the habit is formed its so much easier. We work a lot on first time obedience at my house. And when I say “we” I mean me too because I have to remember to not ask a second (or third) time if I expect her to respect me and what I'm asking.

4.Get over Mom-guilt. It robs you of the joys of today

-Everyone makes mistakes. There are always better ways you could have handled the situation. Acknowledge that, apologize (to your kid, yourself, your spouse, whomever) and move on. Don't dwell on it. Wallowing in the guilt does not make you a better mom. And all of the worry and guilt does nothing to help you today.

5.Allow your kids freedom and independence.

-You are raising your kids to be contributing members of society (hopefully that's one of your goals!), so teach them how to contribute and then let them do it. You WANT them to be independent. If you teach them to always need you, what will they do when you're gone?

6.Pray, pray, pray.

-Sometimes that's all you can do.



Okay, let's hear yours!

Paranoid Much?

Over the last couple of weeks I have had several conversations with other parents about their parenting styles and the freedoms they are willing to give their kids and how they feel about entrusting their kids to other people. I am learning just how wide spread the fear of "the predator" is. I've always known that there are parents who are paralyzed by the thought that someone will kidnap or otherwise harm their child, but I didn't realize how many parents that I rub shoulders with have this deep-seeded fear. I blame media for hyping up the truly rare cases and making this seem like a likely, every day occurrence. Many parents of children quite well old enough to walk to the park alone have told me there is no way they would let them because "something might happen." I have had no less than 5 conversations in the past two weeks about this! The funny thing is, these kids are more likely to be hurt in their parent's car than walking to the play ground. And as an adult in my community, I know that if I saw a child in need of help, who was hurting another child, causing mischief or anything else that would need an adult to intervene, I would do so in the absence of parents. I also know that my neighbourhood is filled with similar people who would do the same that there are few (if any, really!) people who would not help or worse would hurt a child.

I don't worry about much. Nor do I dwell on a lot of "what ifs." I have better things to do with my time. Maybe I'm naive, but I tend to think that we as a society err on the side of over-paranoid and look at our own childhoods through rose-coloured glasses.

I have a very vivid memory. I can remember being as young as 1. I remember the Christmas when I was 18 months old and the thoughts that went through my head as I opened my presents. I remember the freedom of my childhood. We were not allowed to watch TV during the day (though truth be told, since I had an older brother 6 years older than me who was often left in charge, we managed to sneak it in on regular occasions!) so my mom often sent us outside to play. We roamed the neighbourhood both on foot and bike. In the summer we would play until supper time (my parents literally calling us from the back door) and in the winter when the sun went down earlier we could play outside until the street light in our yard came on. I remember one day wanting to try to get lost so that I could try to find my way back home. I thought it would be a fun game. I couldn't get lost. I knew all the streets and alleys in a 2 mile radius of my house too well. We walked to the corner store to stock up on candy or to the playground to play, to the skating rink or big toboggan hill in the winter. I had a newspaper route that I delivered by myself at 5:30 in the morning every day when I was 7 years old. I even went and collected payment from my customers by myself (so many people I know would be horrified at the thought of a 7 year old walking around with a fannypack - it was the early 90s - of money. Alone.)
Its pretty safe to say that my parents weren't too concerned about what *might* happen to us. They taught us how to be safe. We knew not to go with anyone whom they had not previously told us to go with. We all knew our address, phone number and parents' names. We knew that if we were in trouble and needed to ask for help, the safest person to look for was a Grandma or Mother with children (we had a tape called "The Safety Kids" that taught us all of this in song!). We knew all our neighbours. I never felt fear walking through my neighbourhood, even at 10 at night or later.

Some would say that it was a different world back then. That it was safer. Funny, with that vivid memory comes the memories of crimes committed in or near my neighbourhood. My neighbour 4 houses down had his house broken into and was attacked by the thieves with a hammer. There were many gang related shootings that happened not too far from my house (in those streets I rode my bike trying to get lost). There was a little girl abducted from her back yard in the city I lived in that was just a couple of years younger than me. She was murdered and they never found her killer. There was a mom in a neighbourhood close by that was murdered in her home. Sound safer than today? And we didn't even live in the worst part of town or anything!

I'm not one to watch the news (I find it painfully depressing), but big news stories I tend to hear (my husband works in television so he hears the news stories come through the wires all day and if its big he'll usually mention it to me). I haven't heard much that would suggest that today is less safe than when I was growing up.

So then I wonder why there are so many parents who are so concerned about the safety of their children to the point that they won't give them the freedom to grow up and learn on their own. I learned so much roaming my neighbourhood. I want the same for my kids. I will let them play outside without me watching their every move. Even at 2 I let my daughter have freedom and as she shows she can follow the rules we give her more freedom. I have full intentions of letting her play in the yard alone this winter. Why not? Its fenced in and she can't get out. And she loves to be outside, even in the cold. And I hate it. So I'll sit on the couch by the walk-out drinking tea and if she needs me she can knock on the window.

I've witnessed another form of parenting that I think is slightly linked to the above. Parents who fear their children getting hurt from normal childhood things such as falling down and scraping their knees. I've heard parents stop their children from running (!) because they might fall, or parents who won't let their child climb to the top of the slide by themselves. Kids who are not given the freedom to find their own limits will never trust themselves and worse will not know their limits and are more likely to go past them thinking that someone will always be there to catch them. This will cause them more pain than whatever their parent originally feared when they wouldn't allow them to try. Kids need to be given the freedom to get some bumps and scrapes along the way. This is what shapes them and makes them who they are. It teaches them about life. Life happens in those little bruises and heartbreaks that kids face. It's also what gives them the satisfaction of knowing they can do it "all by themselves." Kids need that self confidence, because even if Mom and Dad don't want to admit it, they will not always be able to be there for their kids (everyone dies at some point!). What will their child do if they can't function without a parent?

A wonderful blog I read is called Free-Range Kids. Lenore does a fantastic job of advocating children's rights to be kids! Check it out and let me know what you think.

What do you think? Do you let your kids have tons of freedom (age appropriate of course!), or do you reign them in out of fear?

I Just Want A Nap!

Three weeks ago today, we had our second baby girl. This is her just a couple of hours old ready to come home from the birth centre:



This also explains why I haven't posted much this past little while. Seriously, who starts a blog a month before they have a baby and expects to get anything posted? What was I thinking?

The past three weeks have been great, except when they're not. Which is pretty much any time I'm over tired. I'm one of those people who NEEDS sleep. I get particularly grumpy if I get less than 9 hours a night. Yup, forget 8, I want the extra hour. I spent months training our older daughter how to sleep so that I could have that blissful full night's sleep. And now it's all gone out the window.

You've heard the saying “sleep when baby sleeps.” Whoever came up with that one obviously only had one child. That saying is a joke. The incredible amount of planning it now takes to try to get a nap when you have a newborn and a 2 year old is amazing. And exhausting. Hardly worth it really.

To make matters worse, our girls share a room. This happened for a few reasons. I know many people keep the new baby in the parent's room for the first few months. Our master bedroom is not big enough for any kind of baby sleep contraption to fit in it and us to still be able to open doors or drawers. And there is no way we're doing that “family bed” idea where the baby sleeps with us. Just like I NEED my sleep, I also NEED my space when I sleep. I already have to share with a husband. That's plenty.

Our second bedroom is in our basement and on the opposite end of the house from our room. If you know my 2-year-old at all you know it would be a ridiculous idea to put her down there, so far from us and with so much opportunity for mischief. Our girls also share a room because it's character building. I shared with my sister growing up. And if dealing with my mess didn't grow her character of patience, I don't know what did! However, I didn't realize that it could also be character building for the parents.

Since the little one has come along we have done a lot of furniture rearranging in their room. Some people plan out these nice nurseries for their kids. We had to plan what would cause the least amount of trouble the older one could get into. We had to lock the closet. After Kaitlyn was born, Mady would empty it on a daily basis. After re-folding and filling her dresser 2-3 times every day after she made a pile of clothes for her to “jump” into, we moved the dresser into the closet so that it too could be locked. Each new day with the baby brings yet another challenge we need to address with the older one.

Which brings me back to my nap. All I want today is a nap. I was quite excited because when I looked at how the baby's feeding schedule was lining up for the day it looked like I could put the older one down, feed the younger one, put her down and then get a good couple of hours sleep myself.

Here's how that turned out:

1pm – Daddy put Mady to bed in her room, I fed Kaitlyn.
1:15pm – Kaitlyn is now asleep enough I can transfer her to her crib. Mady has been quiet so she's probably good and asleep and I don't have to worry about any issues. Bed here I come!
1:17pm – I walk into the girls room to find Mady with a pile of diapers around her. She's proclaiming, “Poop!” I lay down Kaitlyn and change Mady and put her in her bed.
1:22pm – Crawl into my bed. Ahhh!
1:24:30pm - I hear a clunk. Daddy goes in to check and Mady is on the change table (which is at the head of the crib) trying to reach the cubbies on the wall above the crib to get the “treasures” out. He puts her back in her bed. (note: he's trying to leave to go run errands so we don't see him after this). I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep.
1:28pm – I hear clunking again. I go in to find Mady STANDING in the crib (right above her sister's head) trying to fit her sippy cup into a cubby. Out she comes and into her bed. I go back to mine.
1:32pm – More clunking. I find the exact same picture I just left the last time I walked through the door. Put Mady back in her bed, I head back to mine.
1:36pm – I'm getting smart to the sound of climbing and catch her on her way UP the change table. I have another brainwave of genius and move the change table because surely this will stop her from climbing into the crib. My bed hasn't even had the chance to warm up I've been in and out so many times. And it's barely been 20 minutes.
1:40pm – too bad she's smarter. She uses the side of the crib to climb in. I find her in the crib standing over her sister's head again. This time playing with the baby monitor that resides in one of the cubbies. Now she gets in big trouble. Wailing from her.
1:41:30pm – We repeat what just happened. More wailing. I have given up going back to bed and am now just standing outside her door.
1:45pm – I catch her 2 steps earlier (before she's IN the crib and just on her way UP it). She gets in trouble again. More wailing.
1:47:30pm – Another repeat of what just happened. Even more wailing.
1:50pm – Kaitlyn now is awake. There goes my nap.
2:00pm – Mady falls alseep behind her door. Sigh.

Home Schooling

I work with a lot of kids. And with kids come parents. And when parents find out that I was home schooled they always have a lot of questions for me. Many want my opinion on home schooling and if this is something they should do with their kids. In our city we have a lot of options for schools. Public, Catholic, Christian, Private, Charter, Home schooling. I think in each category there are pros and cons. I also don't think one type of school is the answer for the entire city, or even within a family. I have not experienced all these types of schools, so I can only speak to what I know.

First a little disclaimer. I love my parents. I believe they made the best choice for me based on the options laid out before them. Below I will share some opinions on home schooling, such as things to consider, and sometimes they can come across as negative, but this doesn't mean I don't think my parents considered these things. These are opinions I formed after I completed home schooling, with hindsight and a better understanding of who I am and had you asked me these questions when I was still in school I probably would have had different opinions and thoughts.


The very first thing I tell parents when they ask me if they should home school is to look at WHY they want to home school. If you're choosing to homeschool out of fear (such as "I fear my kids being exposed to drugs, alcohol and other destructive behaviours"), it's a bad idea. The truth is, no matter how hard you try, your kids will probably be exposed to these things. If nothing else, they will be exposed once they are of age and move out. Wouldn't it be better to have them exposed to these things when they are still under your protective wing of authority? I have seen so many home schooled kids graduate high school and regress to Jr. High type behaviours because they didn't "get them out of their system" when they were in Jr. High. Once they're out and on their own many have a hard time setting their own boundaries and making wise choices because they didn't have experiences when they were younger to teach them these things where they could talk them out with their parents. I personally think its better to have open conversations with your kids as these sort of things come up and offer them your guidance (and if needed authority!) to make wise choices. This will save them a lot of grief on the other end of life. I'm not saying that just because kids are home schooled you won't have these parenting opportunities, but I am saying that home schooling shouldn't be chosen solely out of fear of the unknown!

The second thing to consider is the child. Some personalities and learning styles work really well with home schooling, others will do just as well, and even better, in a traditional school system. What works for one child (even in the same family) may not work with another child. Are they a natural leader or a follower? Are they social and need people around them, or do they shy away from crowds? Do they need to be put into situations with other kids? Do they like structure or do they thrive in a less structured environment? Are they a self-starter or not?

For me personally, I was a social child. I attended public school for kindergarten and grade 1 and then I was home schooled throughout the rest of my school career. For 2 years when we first started home schooling I watched all the other kids every time they walked by my house on the way to school (4 times a day!) until I saw every single one of my friends. My mom would point out that most of them probably didn't remember my name, but for me it was a big deal. I'm also a self starter and very rule conscious. Would I have done well in traditional school? Absolutely. Was it terrible that I was home schooled? No.

I also like to learn. My mom allowed us to choose what we wanted to learn about. This was great in that I got to study things that other people didn't, but I discovered in college that some subjects that maybe didn't sound very interesting ended up being my favourite subjects. Had I not been exposed to them, I wouldn't have discovered some pretty amazing things. This is something to consider when choosing how your will home school. While you're at it, as your kids get older and are choosing careers, make sure that your curriculum will work with their choice. If your child wants to be a doctor, there are certain courses they actually have to take to get into university as a med student!

One of the biggest concerns (and rightly so) that people have with home schooling is the social aspect. This really is something to consider. There are many ways that you can socialize your child, but you have to actively seek them out. It can be very easy to live inside your own world and never leave your house, or allow your children to have friends. I don't think most parents try to keep their kids from having friends, but if you don't allow them places to form friendships, its not going to happen. So, let them roam the neighbourhood, sign them up for community sports groups, get together with other home schoolers. Church can be another place for them to make friends, but church can't be the only place they see these kids. Most church programs are not set up for kids to form lasting friendships. They can meet kids there, but set up a play date for during the week. Once a week for an hour, where they're fully engaged in other activities, especially with kids who have a lot of other friends from places like school, will not form lasting friendships unless you book some extra time with these kids!

There are a lot of pluses to home schooling. You have a lot of flexibility, your kids can make a lot of independent choices. You have a lot more say as a parent in what your kids are learning etc. But also consider what your kids (and you!) are giving up. There are some things that are part of the typical school experience that are "rights of passage" type events. Some kids won't care, others will. These are legitimate things to consider. I also know parents who have learned that they are better parents when they have that break from their kids each day. So look at yourself and how you interact with your kids.

So those are my initial thoughts. I'm sure there are more. But these are things to consider. Again, no one school situation is perfect for everyone, or even every family. This type of choice may be something that you have to come back to every few years or so. Some kids may need a mixture of school experiences.

Were you home schooled and have thoughts to add to this list? Are you considering, or are already home schooling and have some input? The comments are open for you to do so.